Some who seek to serve are motivated by the desire to act, but their efforts are continually frustrated along the way. No matter what they try to do to make their mark, it never seems to manifest or reach those for whom their efforts are intended.
I call this type of person the Wanna-be Server. This is not meant judgmentally (for in our society those who “do” often look down with contempt on those who want to do but for some reason “do not,” and call them wanna-bes) in any way, nor is it the mark of a failure.
To the contrary, such frustrated efforts can bring experiences of great value, both to the one who tries and fails and to the whole that vicariously draws upon his contribution.
Sometimes the inability stems from inner conditions that block the way, such as deep-seated fears, mis-beliefs, or emotional scars. At others, though, the soul may wish to gather such an experience to balance out lifetimes of intensive service or being served, by spending some time in the no-man’s land in between.
At all costs self-judgment must be avoided, and the byproducts of beating one’s head against the proverbial wall (like anger and frustration) set aside, for those tend to lock in the “failure” and call it back for recreation again at some future time in this linear reality.
Instead, a time out is necessary to examine all the energies that are flowing through you, acknowledging their presence and contribution to your experience, and then connecting with your higher self for guidance as to whether a continuation of this experience is what is really planned for your life at this moment in time.
Even if it is, try to go about your efforts to serve in a new way, with a new set of emotions. Try to find joy and fulfillment even within the situations that you now see as impasses or failures. For in shifting the way you see and experience them, your soul may find it has no more need to keep creating them, and will begin to create something else.
And if it is not, such an approach will enable you to better receive and act upon its guidance on whether and how to redirect your life stream or perhaps to express your desire to serve in some other way.
It’s not easy being a wanna-be server. Sitting on the sidelines can be excruciating, and only the greatest masters will accept such a task for very long. If you remain within such a situation, use it as best you can. And by all means, don’t see yourself as a failure, but rather as a great master who is trying on a most difficult experience for size.
God bless you indeed.